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[01 Sep 2006|06:24pm] |
I woke up to my first alarm at 5:30 to call Sara and make sure she was awake, talked barely enough for me to feel complete, but the phone was closed anyways. I fell back into a shallow sleep and awoke an hour and a half later. I called Sara to hear her voice once more, she wasn't too into our conversation about nothing that we were having so she ended it and went on with her business with the people surrounding her.
I said fuck it to a shower and put my work clothes on, going downstairs to brush my teeth my mom asked me if I was going to take a shower..Well..I told her no..lol. She took me to work where I clocked in and started doing boring ass bitch work until 9. Went on break with Bruce and then went to McDonalds to get some of that fantastic sweet tea...drank some and ate some random food at Wendy's like yogurt, croutons, and oranges.
Went off break and went on with my boring ass monotonous work, Sara texted me saying we could hang out today..very much so was I excited..I went on with my boring work with something to look forward to. I went home early at 3 and tried calling Sara before I got in the shower. She didn't pick up so I got in the shower and got dressed before she called me and indirectly told me we weren't hanging out today. Disappointed, sort of upset, and some what pissed off I turned the lights and TV off got into some more comfortable clothing and listened to music while laying motionless in bed.
After a few text messages from Sara I calmed down a little bit but still remained a little on the off side, so I tried playing madden, even though that just made things worse. So I went downstairs and took the hottest bath ever while holding my breath underwater to make my self light headed and tired. It didn't work.
I came upstairs and started to watch ESPN.......and now here I am trying to kill time. I will clean my room in a bit and then go to sleep..yay..
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[07 Aug 2006|10:45pm] |
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This week had a lot of things involved, but I don't care too much for elaboration. I experienced new things, got put on new medication, and other stuff like ice skating.
Today work was alright, I kept busy constantly, but fuck....it got tiring..then I went home and sat there forever...went to eat with Sara and her Mom..came home..sat some more..and now my medication is wearing off and I'm fucking pissed off at nothing and want to hit stuff.
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| Past few days. |
[02 Aug 2006|10:32pm] |
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Babyface - Everytime I Close My Eyes |
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I woke up and went to work, where I actually had a good time cause I worked with Bruce, and he's a really cool guy. I did really well that day and a customer said that more employees should be like me. That made me really happy, well I got off not too long after and then my mom took me home.
I took a shower and got dressed, waited for Joe to come over so Sara's mom could come pick us up then go pick Scott and Melissa up so we could go to the movies. Well we got picked up but it was actually by her Dad and Mom, and I don't like how her Dad is so negative towards me, but I just try to let it roll off my shoulder.
We got at the movies and watched Click, which is now one of my favorite movies...it made me cry so much, and gave me a new found appreciation for life. Such a good movie. :) Then we went to Barnes and Noble where I bought Fiji water...verryyyy good....then we went to the carnival where we all rode the Ferris Wheel. Joe and Aly rode together, and I think they have some chemistry going on.
Well Saras dad was being an ass and after he picked Sara up he would only take Scott and Melissa home, I had to walk home with Joe...so me and Joe walked Aly home and then went to his house. Not too long afterwards did I leave his house and go home.
I woke up and went to work, I got my check and was like YESS 350 dollars..yay...so I worked and got off...then went to the tattoo parlor known as ink attic and got my first tattoo done, its a black star with a blue outline on my left pec. It hurt a little, but was no problem.
I went home and showed every one and showed Joe and Mike, cleaned it, went to Sara's where she loved it and then we went to the good will with her mom and her friend Aly. I bought some pants and a shirt, with a picture of jesus. Then I went back to her house for a while then had to go home, I didn't really feel like going home cause well yeah.
I woke up this morning quite unhappy, went to work and hated it because everything was out of sorts and the day just never came together right. Well I came home but not after getting my glasses, and then showered and waited for Sara to come...well I got sick of waiting and was already in a shitty ass mood so I went to Joe's house where Sara and Aly got dropped off. We watched Spiderman 2 which was good, but I wasn't happy enough to enjoy it.
After walking Aly home, Joe went home and Sara and I sat there in my room. As I laid there emotionless barely even touching her, she turned away and was obviously quite upset. I felt horrible and didn't know what to do, so I got up acting like I was being standoffish, but I actually got on my i-tunes and played You are so beautiful by Joe Cocker, and laid beside her and held her....we had a naked moment and godd...I love her so much.....she cried and I cried...then we just talked and listened to tunes...until she left. I miss her right now, but I'm treading on the feeling of tonight until tomorrow.
I've got work again tomorrow, blah, but its alright. I've got a doctors appointment and I believe I'll be put on a mild anti-depressant. Which hopefully will help me out, lets pray.
I LOVE SARA ROSE ELLIOTT MORE THAN ANY ONE ON THIS PLANET.
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[30 Jul 2006|11:03pm] |
Well I woke up today and went to church with Sara, Aly, and Sara's mom. There was a really nice speaker there and it was enjoyable. Afterwards me and Sara were at her house while the rest of her family were at a baseball game, we had a lot of fun...ate...watched tv....watched movies..did stuff...and slept...it was nice..:)
I love her verrrrryyy much. :)
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[30 Jul 2006|09:45am] |
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Save the Day - Don't Know Why |
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I really need help coping with being in my own skin. Nothing seems to help me, only the happy times that shine through the clouds which seem to put the irratability to rest. I wish a permanent solution would come, but how?
My best friend can't.
My other friends can't.
My job can't.
My mom can't.
My dogs can't.
and most of all.
the love of my life is the only thing that can break through the haze and make me feel any thing positive..
but its not enough to keep me from being one depressed guy.
I wish a saving grace from god would come to me, cause that seems like the only thing left.
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| Sara :) |
[30 Jul 2006|12:49am] |
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I love that girl |
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Well on thursday I went to work and after I went to work I went home and got a shower....Scott came over and we walked around and ate at the Edgemere Wok. We then went to the high school and I went in and took posters off the wall and brought them home. Then we went to Scotts house and we hung out with Crystal, Tim, and Joe N. After those three left I spent the night there and we talked through the night about stuff like old cartoons and shit.
I woke up took a shower and everything and went to work with Scott, I trained Scott and everything..it was alright. Then work started to suck ass, it just was dragging on and on and on..then I got off work and cleaned up in the bathroom and got dressed to wait for Saras mom to pick me up. It took a while but eventually I was picked up and we had to take this little girl they babysit home. Then we went to get Sara...:)
We stopped at this coffee house so I could pee and then got to RVR, I got blindsided by Sara and tackled and we hugged and kissed and I was so happy..I love her so muchhh....well...when we went into this like..meeting hall and sat down...I asked her if I could see the ring that was already on her left ring finger, and I took it off and looked at it, then acted like I was putting it back on....but I actually put the ring I bought for her on instead. She looked at it and gasped then looked back and her reaction made me feel so good..I love her so much...I'm glad she loved the ring.
We then went to her Aunts house and hung out with her cousin Courtney, who I've noticed is very tan, and went swimming until we discovered a dead mouse. Then we got in the hot tub and chilled until we went inside, ate, and fell asleep watching The Longest Yard.
Woke up today and laid around waiting to be acknowledged for like 2 hours, then Saras mom asked me a favor and I did so...we cleaned up a bit and then went to a diner and then to Sara's house where me and Sara cuddled together on the love seat while watching tv and dozing off.
We decided to go on a picnic so she had to get ready and we needed to get the food together so we got up and did so. Her mom took us to North Point State Park, and we once we got there we had a nice deep conversation about religion, resentment, and envy.....once we decided it was time to get picked up we were walking and the park ranger told us the park was closed so she gave us a ride to the entrance and we called her Mom.
Her Mom came and picked us up, taking us to her house where we cuddled and looked at stuff on the internet...we fell asleep sorta(dozed off I guess) on the floor and were out on the pier...I had a lot of fun, I really love that girl..I couldn't imagine life with out her.
Happy 4 month anniversary baby<3
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| A long day |
[26 Jul 2006|10:32pm] |
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Saves the Day - This is not an exit |
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I woke up this morning to Bruce calling me and asking me to come in because he needed help opening up the store this morning. He came and picked me up after I took a shower and we went to Wendy's and not long after about an hour of work we both got to be the first people in Maryland to eat a vanilla frosty. Its pretty good, I then proceeded to have a rootbeer float.
I worked until about 2 and my mom came and had lunch then took me home where I took a shower and got ready to go to my eye doctor appointment. I have a mild prescription and have completely healthy eyes, but fucking shit..dialated pupils suck...I was so tired and the sun sucked.
Well I will have new glasses by this time next week, black rimmed sucka. Haha, well after picking up my step-dad my mom took me to Joe's where we played guitar, went swimming, and watched the Fast and the Furious. I went home and talked to my mom and came upstairs...oh gee here I am now..lol.
I was looking at pictures of Sara at her camp today, and gooooooooddddddddd it depressed me. I miss her so much, next summer when she goes to camp again I am gonna make my own camp in the woods and force people to go, its gonna have activities like frog baseball, tree tackling, and mud wrestling.
but yeah..:( I miss her a lot, and I friday can't come any sooner before insanity sinks in and I go craaaazy. :( I misssssss herrrr....
Well I am about to go to sleep guys, so I'll tell you about tomorrow when..well...when tomorrow is over...lol.
<3
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[25 Jul 2006|09:26pm] |
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Jason Mraz - You and I Both |
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As I sit viewing Joe Cookes myspace, I began to play You and I Both by Jason Mraz on i-tunes...then I felt overwhelmed with this joy...I felt no need to be sad any more.
I have a new found appreciation for life, and there was nothing to bring it upon me.
I know this is random but its true.
Let me tell you about my night.
Went to Wendy's and Sean was there with his friends, and Scott and Joe N. were also there..it was cool. Joe, Scott, and I then went to Scotts and watched Cool Runnings, they got high upstairs and I kept watching the movie...good movie..mmhhmmmm..then my mom picked me up.
Now I'm home...:)
I love you guys..but most of all I love Sara Rose Elliott<3
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[25 Jul 2006|04:56pm] |
I woke up several times this morning before I actually got up, I thought about Sara while taking a shower..oh how I miss her so..:(
I went to work and it was sort of boring today, not as many customers as usual, but I tried to make the best of it.
I didn't do much else yet, but I am about to go to Scotts to hang out with Scott, Tim, and Crystal. It should be fun.
I MISS SARAAA!! :(
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[24 Jul 2006|10:18pm] |
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| First full day with out her |
[24 Jul 2006|10:09pm] |
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none |
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I woke up at 5:00 am and took a shower, my mom wouldn't wake up and I had to call Bruce and have him pick me up. I went to the mail box and dropped off Saras letter, and then went to 7-11.
There this drunk guy was trying to convince me to help him steal a safe from his work, but I told him I had to go. Bruce picked me up and we went to Wendy's and worked.
It was actually really fun, I worked really well today and trained Bobbie-lynn on the front register. I got 10 hours in todayyy...yay. Bruce then drove me home and I went to Joe's house and went swimming and then went home got dressed came back and went to Joe's where we went to the mall afterwards.
I bought Sara her ring, its very pretty, its got a big ruby heart surrounded by diamonds and says I love you on it. It was pricey, but prices don't matter when love is at hand.
Then I bought a new Saves the Day shirt, and drank a cherry coke. We went home and played football, where I won the little competition. Hurt my finger though..:(
Now I'm home and I need to write my love a letter, then I'm going to sleep.
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[23 Jul 2006|10:00pm] |
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Taking Back Sunday - New American Classic |
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I was so tired, but now I can't get to sleep.
I am drifting in thought.
Is life worth living or not?
I love being alive, but retrospectively speaking...is it really worth it?
I'd like to think so, but some times I don't.
Death scares me, but why if I'm only paging through one long book we call life untill I close it and its over?
I don't want to think of it that way, its scary. I'm so scared. I don't know. I wish life was simpler.
I only have a few things that make it worth it, and thats really depressing.
I wish I could always be happy, I think I have a chemical inbalance in my head. Its very possible.
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| the saddest heart |
[23 Jul 2006|08:40pm] |
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Babyface - Everytime I Close My Eyes |
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I awoke this morning to the musical stylings of William Hung, quickly I rose so I didn't have to feel the morning malaise. I immediately hopped in the shower and threw clothes on and had to go to a crew meeting at work.
After the crew meeting I went to the fleemarket across the street with Jay and Darren, we looked at video game stuff like the dorks we are and I got a 2 dollar Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle alarm clock.
My step-brother picked me up and I waited at my house and played guitar while waiting for Saras mom to come pick me up. I went to Sara's house and folded all of her clothes to help her get ready to leave my heart a broken one for 5 days.
We left and picked up Sara's friend Aly who was going with her to the camp, we went to Target where once I got out of the car the numbness that was engulfing my leg seemed unbearable and I was hanging all over Sara while walking up the parking lot.
I got three new shirts, they rock, they're tight...and then off we went to take Sara to camp. I was fine the way up there but once we got there and I helped her put her stuff into the cabin, my heart stopped when it was time to say goodbye. I had done this before, but this time I was fighting back tears. I didn't want to cry in front of her. I don't know why I am so sad, I am only going to be away from her for 5 days...but I love her so much.
It feels as if she took my heart with her when she left, and the only feelings I'm allowed to feel are feelings of blue.
And if I were to get her the ring I want to get her, I would have to wait forever for it to get here...and that means now I have to go looking around stores and stuff for the right ring.
Today sucks. I'm so sad...
Well after we left, her mom and I talked a lot and then I got dropped off and then I went to Joe's house. I almost fell asleep a few times cause I'm so tired.
Then I went home and took a shower, and here I am.
I miss her so much. I am about to write her a letter.
Well goodnight Livejournal, nothing left to say.
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| Hmm |
[22 Jul 2006|11:56am] |
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Hands Down |
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I have no friends yet, but I figured I would leave a journal entry as I await the beginning of the day.
Today I am going to go thrift store shopping with my love and then we're going to see Click. I am saving up money to get her a promise ring, so I can't really spend any money at the thrift stores, but any time spent with her is time spent well cherished.
Last night I broke my TV as I was bringing putting it on the entertainment center I have in my room now..after I carried the damn thing all the way up stairs(the entertainment center), and I spent the day with Sara.
Tomorrow I have to wake up and go to a meeting at work, then I am getting dropped off at Saras house cause she is leaving for camp tomorrow and I won't be seeing her until the 28th..:( I hate it...its going to be the slowest week ever.
Then after that I work monday-friday, and I'm getting a promotion soon...its gonna be shweet.
but I have the prettiest ring picked out, it has a pink stone(pink tourmaline) with diamonds surrounding it..with 14ct white gold as the band....and engraved on the left side is 3.29 Chad and on the right side is Sara 3.29
and in case you were wondering 3.29 is the day me and her started going out.
I love her so much, I've been working my ass off to save up money to get it for her...I want to be able to give it to her when I go with her mom to pick her up at camp..she will be so surprised and happy..cause she thinks I am using the money to pay my phone bill, therefor she won't EVER expect a piece of jewelry or anything you know?
I love her so much.
I learned how to play Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional and I wanna grow old with you by Adam Sandler on guitar...fun songs to sing and play with.
And well...I am going to go make a new icon..mmkay?
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